Theres comes a time

When honestly is needed. When honesty is "the best policy" Yet sometimes you have to wonder at what point does honesty become too much? When does it change from being the best thing for you to the worst thing that could ever possibly happen? I've always prided myself on being honest with others-to a certain point. When a friend asks you "Does this dress make me look good" when in fact it compliments her horribly, instead of actually saying that you'd use euphemism to slyly tell her that its not her best option.

However, does this rule apply to friends and boys? When a friend likes the same guy you like and then starts going out with him, what do you say when she asks "Why aren't you happy for me?". Do you lie and play it off while seeing them together could very much eat you alive? Or do you be honest and tell her that you've had feelings for this guy for as long as you can remember? & if the answer to my question is the second one-what then becomes of the two friends? Sure the fairytale ending tells us that the friend with the boy gives him up and the two friends live happily ever after. But fairy tales do not exist in this world-they in fact should be shot for instilling such radical fantasies in today's youth. No, in reality the friend with the boy is NOT going to want to release her claim-and why should she? She got him "fair and square" and so on and so on. Its a vicious little cycle that leaves no survivors: only broken hearts, friendships, and everything else in between.

The winds of change are in the air, and who knows what they bring.
One thing is for sure: this town is about to be rocked.

"Pon de replay"
-V

Weekends, Weekends Come & Go

But this one will be remembered forever. There's a lot to say about this weekend-if you ever thought SC was boring, I garuantee you won't think the same after reading this.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night and also Sunday afternoon yieled a new wave of entertainment in San Clemente as the Dance Team put on their spring dance showcase featuring the many dance styles of IB Dance, 1st, 3rd, and finally fourth period ROP Dance classes. However, Saturday's dance concert definately stood out above the rest. If you weren't there to witness it yourself, surely by now you would have heard: two girls appeared to be kissing on stage at the end of fourth periods dance. While, from an audience perspective it appeared as though the girls were full on making out-I'm here to assure you while the girls sent out a shockwave thoughout the entire audience (one that is sure to give way to...entertaining repercussions come Monday), from a dancer's perspective NO lips were touched-merely faces clashing into one another; a mistake that is sure to be talked about for years to come. Bravo girls, you didn't kiss any girls-but I'm sure you liked appearing as if that were the case ;)

& when the drama wasn't happening on stage, rest assured it was occuring behind the scenes in the dressing rooms. Keys were stolen, wallets were taken, masks were hidden in unconvential places-can anyone say microwave oven?-, hand sanitizer was used to clean the oddest of items, pinnochio was thrown, and harsh words were used agaisnt friends. In the aftermath of all our childish pranks and actions, feelings were truly hurt and doctors were seen! I'd like to think that the people involved actually feel sorry for what they did but then that would imply that some of them would actually have to grow up and be the bigger person. With only a few weeks left to graduation-if this simple action of being a human being hasn't been learned yet, one has to wonder if it is too late to learn it? & if that's the case then what happens to that person in life? One thing's for sure: I actually did manage to learn this lesson so: I M S O R R Y.

Despite a few lows over the weekend, all in all it was actually pretty fun. Friends became closer, interests grew stronger and flowers were given (: I don't care what anyone says, give a girl a flower and you will brighten her day by at least a little. Another thing to make a girl smile? Her birthday party. Adrianna Flores-I've never been to a party quite like yours but in all seriousness it was so much fun. Dancing to the beat of the music, laughing to the point where you might explode and singing happy birthday-I hope you had fun cause that was one night I will never forget <3

It's the simple things like this-giving flowers, giving a hug, partying soberly with friends, saying "hey you did amazing"-that make life that much more bearable. & of course it wouldn't be anything for me without the people I share it with.

"Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction
To everything I fear
Cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here"

-V

Life Comes At You In Three's...

Death. Bestfriends and my new favorite one: boys. What's life now a days without a full on love triangle? As if high school weren't complicated enough what with advanced classes, backstabbing best friends, and teachers who stand on either end of the school work spectrum-never in between- life decides to throw a species far more complicated then they tend to appear: boys or homo sapien with a little twist as I like to call them. I think I've been through all the scenarios possible-cheating, being the "other woman", liking someone when I was dating someone. They're all familiar to most teenage girls by the time the leave high school. But coming here, I was surprised to observe new situations plaguing my friends. Love triangles and ones where its the girl stuck between two boys-not the other way around. While I'm all for flipping the script and having girls take on the more masculine roles in our social society, I must admit that girls (and in particular my friend) do not handle it as nonchalantly as the boys appear too. Perhaps this is why the title of "pimp" and "top dog" are left the the men because they contain with in them the genetic capability to not care what either of the two females they are playing think; whereas in the case of my friend she cares WAY to much about hurting her two options. My advice? Just have fun. Summer 2010 is fast approaching and does she really want to end the year in a relationship? Especially with her traveling for summer, a relationship is the last thing she needs. But hey that's just my opinion.

And Speaking of Summer, it is SO close. I can almost taste the waves, the tanning lotion, the staying up for hours doing nothing and waking up the next day so late you feel like you've missed out on everything. Oh wait-I already do do that. Living in California sometimes tricks the mind into thinking it is summer especially with recent teacher strikes, star testing and an upcoming five day memorial weekend (woot woot). How do teachers really expect us to settle down into desks for six hours and forty five minutes? How can they expect the same quality of work we produced in the early months of school when the ocean breeze trickles into the classrooms, coaxing us to abandon all ideals of "homework" and "studying" and instead grab the nearest bikini, surfboard, towel and tanning lotion and lay out all day. Its a sick cycle we the students of Capo Unified District are forced to endure. Hopefully we will prevail and dominate looming finals. After all only 26 days until schools out!

Finally, what is coming up in two weeks, has been the highlight of my moving here and is costing me all my paychecks & allowance? P R O M! You never really experience prom unless you're experiencing it in America. Here in the land of amazing party buses with stripper poles, hummer limousines and designers who remind you of cross dressers: is where legendary proms take place. However behind these legends is an ordeal of stress I was not prepared to deal with. Booking the party bus, setting a guest list the suited everyone and booking dinner alone was enough to make me want to rip my hair out. But with that behind me the only thing left to do is pick up my dress, find those oh so perfect pair of shoes and have fun. I'm superduperfreakingexcited! Can't you tell?
"My first kiss went a little like this : MUAH and twist!"
-V

It's the end of numerous of things this year...

Weight, sports teams, childhood fantasies,

and a three year friendship that has given me the best and recently the worst times of my life. I'm not sure what I want to say about you, I suppose I can start, like all great people, by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry I went about handling things wrong but that's about the only thing I'm sorry for. I'm not sorry for constantly telling you the truth about your boyfriend and I'm not sorry for trying to make you see him in the light that do. I always laughed when people would refer to themselves as "best friends forever and ever" because in my opinion forever is a long time and in that time fights and tears are just waiting to emerge. Yet for some foolish reason I truly believed you and I were the exception to this rule. Silly, I know but if you really think about it we could have been. In all of our three years of friendship we never got into an argument-well none that I can recall- and that's what made me think we could survive me moving out here. Never did I foresee the end of us, nor did I foresee the end of some other friendships you had. I thanked you recently for wasting three years of my life but I hope you know me well enough by now to know I was angry and upset and was saying anything to hurt you. Why? Because you hurt me. Childish and immature I know but I am not perfect. These last three months have been hell, I've watched you change into a stranger before my very eyes and perhaps I should have intervened sooner in telling you what I was seeing-maybe then our friendship could have been salvaged but even then I knew in my gut it was changing-never to be the same despite our best efforts with bandaids and glue. I told you that when you and your boyfriend break up, I hope it hurts. But I don't mean that because I realize now that when THAT happens-and it eventually will-that the pain of reality is going to sting and bruise far worse then the sting of a broken heart. Look around you, who all is left? You've already lost three of what I thought were the most important people in your life, how is that going to affect you when he leaves? Of course you might counter with the two new, strong friendships you've gained and if that's the case then I really pity you and I mourn for those three people because that is truly a slap in the face. It's like you're rubbing it in how easily replaceable we are. But enough. This too shall pass and perhaps the anger, the tears, the painful words spoken, the drama, the backstabbing, and most importantly the hurt-will all subside into something no more stronger than a prick of the thumb by a pin. One can only hope, wish and pray.

With such a melancholy mood plaguing this post, I suppose the time to liven it up has come. Despite that aspect of my life, things are amazing right now. I'm going to prom-on a party bus no less, my spring dance concert is coming up, my friends have been amazing at supporting me, and the grades and future are looking outstanding. I am a firm believer that with all bad in life, no matter how hurtful or painful it is, the good can always outweigh it. It's all about perspective. If you choose to have a bleak outlook on your life well then yeah you are going to hate it and be miserable in it. This, I find, is the key to my happiness now. When things are looking down and I can't seem to find anyway back to the top, I simply remind myself-it could be worse. If you really think about it, those words hold an enormous weight of truth to them. Your best friend stabs you in the back? It's sad yes but at least you aren't dying from AIDS or walking about six kilometers to get adequate drinking water. If I put my life into that kind of perspective, I realize I really have nothing to be complaining about and neither do most of us. We tend to take for granted just how amazing we have it and its sad that majority of kids here in SC just don't understand that. Some of their problems consist of wearing the same dress twice in a week or not being able to get an appointment for a mani/pedi. You think I'd be exaggerating for dramatic effect and I wish I was but sadly that is the mindset of SOME people here. & in retrospect, I kind of wish I was like them at times because it's like they are still in kindergarden. They are so blissly unaware of what's going on around them-I hate to see what would happen when this facade of a perfect world were to cave in. Damn. My little girl story was just reiterated.

I hope I'm not coming across as saying ALL SC kids are like this because that is definitely not the case. Here, I've met some of the most dedicated, sweet, kind, down to earth kids. They inspired me to stop being lazy and actually get up and DO something with my life. My goal before graduating high school is to change a life, make a difference, and impact someone somewhere. I really hope I can accomplish that because it would make all the other stuff seem so unimportant.

Oh and how about this for a scary thought: People are actually reading this thing. Reading it and liking my words. I can't tell you few who have personally said to me how much you like my blog how much your words mean to me. I have always loved writing and to be referred to as an "amazing" writer just makes writing this so much more fulfilling.

Finally, last night was perfect. I didn't spend it out partying which many of my friends did. No, instead I had a nice night at home skyping with two of the most amazing kids on the eastern hemisphere. Celeste Marsh and Jeremy Getz, what would my life be like without you two? I really don't know the answer to that question and I hope I never find out. I laughed so hard last night and it was that good, healthy, loud laugh that I haven't heard in awhile. It's amazing to me how close I am to both of you despite never living near you Jeremy and despite you moving away Celeste. I don't care tho-I'm happy either way. Jeremy, can't wait for summer!

"Give me the beat boys and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock n roll".
Always,
V

Once upon a time

There lived a beautiful little girl. She grew up in a protected castle, surrounded by a lush green forrest. She played all day, slept all night and was so ignorantly unaware of the maddness that ensued outside her castle walls. Then one day, the walls came crashing down and she was hit full force with reality. She tried to escape but not even she could do so unscathed.

This is the story that I find represents many of our lives. At what point does childhood innocence vanish? At one point do the things we get from boys become more serious than cooties? At what point does cutting mean more than paper? Can childhood innocence ever survive the terrifying adolescent years? I wish it were so. But the sad truth plaguing many, is with each new generation of children that preservation of childhood innocence becomes smaller and smaller. Today someone told me they lost their virginity in the sixth grade. Sixth. Grade. You are what? eleven years old? I looked at her with a look of horror while she merely smirked at me as if she was saying-it's life. get over it.

Living in SC is so different than Bangkok. Almost every girl here has little or no respect for their body and the boys-they just love taking advantage of that. Here, being on birth control is common you would think its the new tylenol for girls or something. I guess I'm so use to Bangkok, where if you were having sex you weren't so...so open about it. & you didn't talk about it much less brag about it. But no, the standards are completely flipped over here and witnessing this change makes the will to cling to my morals so much more concrete. Why follow the crowd when you can be remembered by being different?

Speaking of different, ASB Elections are tomorrow. I'm running for Commissioner of Welfare & Community Service. Unfortunately, I am not running unopposed. I'm acutally running agaisnt someone who has a lot of experience in this field but I am confident that Iwill prevail (confident, not cocky). & even if I don't win, the whole experience was life changing to say the least. During lunch, I went around to the different tables at school and just started talking to them-asking them to vote me, something that terrified me but also helped me. The more I did it, the more comfortable I began to feel and the more people I began to meet. I wish the best of luck to my opponent, either one of us would do an amazing job at being Commissioner.

Love the life you live, live the life you love.
love & rockets,
V.Adams
(yes I did watch my life as liz before writing this)

It's been awhile

Since I've sat down and started to write. Truthfully, I've been terrified to for fear of what I might say. Let me just get this straight: anything that I say on here that may seem offensive to you is not me meaning for it to be. I say what's on my mind; an aspect that I should perhaps learn to tone down but then again why? Most of us spend our entire lives half living-not taking chances and not saying what we really feel. Well that's stupid. 86400 seconds in day. Thats it. 525600 minutes. To you that may seem irrealevant but that is a factor for me. While living in Bangkok, I was only half living. I didn't say what I really felt, I wasn't honest-I lied, I decieved all because of this preconcieved notion that that was what it took to fit in. How wrong I was. Becuase of my actions, a lot of people there have the wrong first impression of me. It's sad but true and even more I really can't do a damn thing to change it. People really only get one chance in life and once you've screwed that up, well sorry no second chances. Bangkok is unforgiving of me, I am lucky to have the few amazing friends that I do there. They literally keep me going, to this day.

Moving to San Clemente was like a wake up call. My second chance and I was determined to make the most of it. & I think I did or at least I'd like to think so. I was definately an odd ball out moving here, people were skeptical at first of me but I think I've really found my little niche amidst the some 3000 kids that attend this school. Some of them are amazing and some I have yet to meet-but I'd like too. I'd like to think moving here has changed me for the better. The same things that once upset me in the past now don't even phase me. When I look at my life in Bangkok, I feel like an outsider looking in. I don't even recognize that person anymore and I'm not sure I want too. She and I are very different, I wish people there would see that.

While I'm on the subject of Bangkok, I guess I better come out and say this now. To the lot of you who have poor judgement of me-I'm sorry. I'm sorry my actions caused you to percieve me this way, I'm sorry if I was ever mean, dishonest, or talked behind your back. I'm sorry if I hurt you. You can either choose to accept my apology or you can continue living life with this thought of me. Truthfully, I don't care anymore. I have too much good in my life to continue to dwell upon the past. I can honestly say that your opinions of me no longer matter. I don't live there anymore, I'm not apart of your world. Yet some of you have tried to drag me back in by writing negative things on my formspring. I will admit it hurt & sadden me to see some things that were written-especially the comments that I know personally came from a person I thought was one of my good friends. To that person (VH) I do not know what I did to cause you say such atrocious things to me. Your words caused me to question everyone in Bangkok. Friends that shouldn't have been were put under speculation because I let your words get to me. Well no mas. It's no question you and I are sharing our differences right now, mainly because we share one person who is very important in both of our lives. I feel like you're playing her. That's my honest opinion amoung others but I didn't come on here to belittle you. So moving on.

Well thats it for now I suppose. I feel like I'm closing a large chapter in my life and focusing in on the new one. Life is good, did I mention that? I've always wondered what true happiness felt like, I've always hoped that one day I would find it and finally I have. I know I'm not going to feel this way forever, hell tomorrow might be hell but whats life without its ups and downs right? To the people in my life who love me-thank you. it really means the world to me.

That's it for now, keep checking back :)
-V