It's been awhile

Since I've sat down and started to write. Truthfully, I've been terrified to for fear of what I might say. Let me just get this straight: anything that I say on here that may seem offensive to you is not me meaning for it to be. I say what's on my mind; an aspect that I should perhaps learn to tone down but then again why? Most of us spend our entire lives half living-not taking chances and not saying what we really feel. Well that's stupid. 86400 seconds in day. Thats it. 525600 minutes. To you that may seem irrealevant but that is a factor for me. While living in Bangkok, I was only half living. I didn't say what I really felt, I wasn't honest-I lied, I decieved all because of this preconcieved notion that that was what it took to fit in. How wrong I was. Becuase of my actions, a lot of people there have the wrong first impression of me. It's sad but true and even more I really can't do a damn thing to change it. People really only get one chance in life and once you've screwed that up, well sorry no second chances. Bangkok is unforgiving of me, I am lucky to have the few amazing friends that I do there. They literally keep me going, to this day.

Moving to San Clemente was like a wake up call. My second chance and I was determined to make the most of it. & I think I did or at least I'd like to think so. I was definately an odd ball out moving here, people were skeptical at first of me but I think I've really found my little niche amidst the some 3000 kids that attend this school. Some of them are amazing and some I have yet to meet-but I'd like too. I'd like to think moving here has changed me for the better. The same things that once upset me in the past now don't even phase me. When I look at my life in Bangkok, I feel like an outsider looking in. I don't even recognize that person anymore and I'm not sure I want too. She and I are very different, I wish people there would see that.

While I'm on the subject of Bangkok, I guess I better come out and say this now. To the lot of you who have poor judgement of me-I'm sorry. I'm sorry my actions caused you to percieve me this way, I'm sorry if I was ever mean, dishonest, or talked behind your back. I'm sorry if I hurt you. You can either choose to accept my apology or you can continue living life with this thought of me. Truthfully, I don't care anymore. I have too much good in my life to continue to dwell upon the past. I can honestly say that your opinions of me no longer matter. I don't live there anymore, I'm not apart of your world. Yet some of you have tried to drag me back in by writing negative things on my formspring. I will admit it hurt & sadden me to see some things that were written-especially the comments that I know personally came from a person I thought was one of my good friends. To that person (VH) I do not know what I did to cause you say such atrocious things to me. Your words caused me to question everyone in Bangkok. Friends that shouldn't have been were put under speculation because I let your words get to me. Well no mas. It's no question you and I are sharing our differences right now, mainly because we share one person who is very important in both of our lives. I feel like you're playing her. That's my honest opinion amoung others but I didn't come on here to belittle you. So moving on.

Well thats it for now I suppose. I feel like I'm closing a large chapter in my life and focusing in on the new one. Life is good, did I mention that? I've always wondered what true happiness felt like, I've always hoped that one day I would find it and finally I have. I know I'm not going to feel this way forever, hell tomorrow might be hell but whats life without its ups and downs right? To the people in my life who love me-thank you. it really means the world to me.

That's it for now, keep checking back :)
-V