Weight, sports teams, childhood fantasies,
and a three year friendship that has given me the best and recently the worst times of my life. I'm not sure what I want to say about you, I suppose I can start, like all great people, by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry I went about handling things wrong but that's about the only thing I'm sorry for. I'm not sorry for constantly telling you the truth about your boyfriend and I'm not sorry for trying to make you see him in the light that do. I always laughed when people would refer to themselves as "best friends forever and ever" because in my opinion forever is a long time and in that time fights and tears are just waiting to emerge. Yet for some foolish reason I truly believed you and I were the exception to this rule. Silly, I know but if you really think about it we could have been. In all of our three years of friendship we never got into an argument-well none that I can recall- and that's what made me think we could survive me moving out here. Never did I foresee the end of us, nor did I foresee the end of some other friendships you had. I thanked you recently for wasting three years of my life but I hope you know me well enough by now to know I was angry and upset and was saying anything to hurt you. Why? Because you hurt me. Childish and immature I know but I am not perfect. These last three months have been hell, I've watched you change into a stranger before my very eyes and perhaps I should have intervened sooner in telling you what I was seeing-maybe then our friendship could have been salvaged but even then I knew in my gut it was changing-never to be the same despite our best efforts with bandaids and glue. I told you that when you and your boyfriend break up, I hope it hurts. But I don't mean that because I realize now that when THAT happens-and it eventually will-that the pain of reality is going to sting and bruise far worse then the sting of a broken heart. Look around you, who all is left? You've already lost three of what I thought were the most important people in your life, how is that going to affect you when he leaves? Of course you might counter with the two new, strong friendships you've gained and if that's the case then I really pity you and I mourn for those three people because that is truly a slap in the face. It's like you're rubbing it in how easily replaceable we are. But enough. This too shall pass and perhaps the anger, the tears, the painful words spoken, the drama, the backstabbing, and most importantly the hurt-will all subside into something no more stronger than a prick of the thumb by a pin. One can only hope, wish and pray.
With such a melancholy mood plaguing this post, I suppose the time to liven it up has come. Despite that aspect of my life, things are amazing right now. I'm going to prom-on a party bus no less, my spring dance concert is coming up, my friends have been amazing at supporting me, and the grades and future are looking outstanding. I am a firm believer that with all bad in life, no matter how hurtful or painful it is, the good can always outweigh it. It's all about perspective. If you choose to have a bleak outlook on your life well then yeah you are going to hate it and be miserable in it. This, I find, is the key to my happiness now. When things are looking down and I can't seem to find anyway back to the top, I simply remind myself-it could be worse. If you really think about it, those words hold an enormous weight of truth to them. Your best friend stabs you in the back? It's sad yes but at least you aren't dying from AIDS or walking about six kilometers to get adequate drinking water. If I put my life into that kind of perspective, I realize I really have nothing to be complaining about and neither do most of us. We tend to take for granted just how amazing we have it and its sad that majority of kids here in SC just don't understand that. Some of their problems consist of wearing the same dress twice in a week or not being able to get an appointment for a mani/pedi. You think I'd be exaggerating for dramatic effect and I wish I was but sadly that is the mindset of SOME people here. & in retrospect, I kind of wish I was like them at times because it's like they are still in kindergarden. They are so blissly unaware of what's going on around them-I hate to see what would happen when this facade of a perfect world were to cave in. Damn. My little girl story was just reiterated.
I hope I'm not coming across as saying ALL SC kids are like this because that is definitely not the case. Here, I've met some of the most dedicated, sweet, kind, down to earth kids. They inspired me to stop being lazy and actually get up and DO something with my life. My goal before graduating high school is to change a life, make a difference, and impact someone somewhere. I really hope I can accomplish that because it would make all the other stuff seem so unimportant.
Oh and how about this for a scary thought: People are actually reading this thing. Reading it and liking my words. I can't tell you few who have personally said to me how much you like my blog how much your words mean to me. I have always loved writing and to be referred to as an "amazing" writer just makes writing this so much more fulfilling.
Finally, last night was perfect. I didn't spend it out partying which many of my friends did. No, instead I had a nice night at home skyping with two of the most amazing kids on the eastern hemisphere. Celeste Marsh and Jeremy Getz, what would my life be like without you two? I really don't know the answer to that question and I hope I never find out. I laughed so hard last night and it was that good, healthy, loud laugh that I haven't heard in awhile. It's amazing to me how close I am to both of you despite never living near you Jeremy and despite you moving away Celeste. I don't care tho-I'm happy either way. Jeremy, can't wait for summer!
"Give me the beat boys and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock n roll".
Always,
V
With such a melancholy mood plaguing this post, I suppose the time to liven it up has come. Despite that aspect of my life, things are amazing right now. I'm going to prom-on a party bus no less, my spring dance concert is coming up, my friends have been amazing at supporting me, and the grades and future are looking outstanding. I am a firm believer that with all bad in life, no matter how hurtful or painful it is, the good can always outweigh it. It's all about perspective. If you choose to have a bleak outlook on your life well then yeah you are going to hate it and be miserable in it. This, I find, is the key to my happiness now. When things are looking down and I can't seem to find anyway back to the top, I simply remind myself-it could be worse. If you really think about it, those words hold an enormous weight of truth to them. Your best friend stabs you in the back? It's sad yes but at least you aren't dying from AIDS or walking about six kilometers to get adequate drinking water. If I put my life into that kind of perspective, I realize I really have nothing to be complaining about and neither do most of us. We tend to take for granted just how amazing we have it and its sad that majority of kids here in SC just don't understand that. Some of their problems consist of wearing the same dress twice in a week or not being able to get an appointment for a mani/pedi. You think I'd be exaggerating for dramatic effect and I wish I was but sadly that is the mindset of SOME people here. & in retrospect, I kind of wish I was like them at times because it's like they are still in kindergarden. They are so blissly unaware of what's going on around them-I hate to see what would happen when this facade of a perfect world were to cave in. Damn. My little girl story was just reiterated.
I hope I'm not coming across as saying ALL SC kids are like this because that is definitely not the case. Here, I've met some of the most dedicated, sweet, kind, down to earth kids. They inspired me to stop being lazy and actually get up and DO something with my life. My goal before graduating high school is to change a life, make a difference, and impact someone somewhere. I really hope I can accomplish that because it would make all the other stuff seem so unimportant.
Oh and how about this for a scary thought: People are actually reading this thing. Reading it and liking my words. I can't tell you few who have personally said to me how much you like my blog how much your words mean to me. I have always loved writing and to be referred to as an "amazing" writer just makes writing this so much more fulfilling.
Finally, last night was perfect. I didn't spend it out partying which many of my friends did. No, instead I had a nice night at home skyping with two of the most amazing kids on the eastern hemisphere. Celeste Marsh and Jeremy Getz, what would my life be like without you two? I really don't know the answer to that question and I hope I never find out. I laughed so hard last night and it was that good, healthy, loud laugh that I haven't heard in awhile. It's amazing to me how close I am to both of you despite never living near you Jeremy and despite you moving away Celeste. I don't care tho-I'm happy either way. Jeremy, can't wait for summer!
"Give me the beat boys and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock n roll".
Always,
V
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